A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
TABLOIDS, TALK shows and tell-tales thrive on a diet of gossip. Indeed, we’re each likely to spread our share of it and receive our share of it. And whether it is based on truth, fiction or bits of both, doesn’t make it any less hurtful. Though society considers it as relatively innocent, God puts gossip in the same company as ‘…..backstabbing…conceit, and disorderly conduct’ (2 Corinthians 12:20).
So when you’re the target of gossip, what can you do?
(1) When possible, ignore it. People who gossip
get satisfaction out of upsetting you. So the more you get upset, the more they
gossip. Don’t react in anger; that just fuels the fire. ‘Without wood a fire
goes out; without gossips, conflict calms down’. (Proverbs. 26:20).
(2) When
appropriate, correct it. Gossip can wreak havoc and break hearts.
So if
you can set the record straight you may be able to contain the damage. But
forget about attempting to ‘tell everybody you know the real story’; you’ll
only spread the flames, widen the exposure, and feed unhealthy appetites.
Solomon said, ‘The words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food; people like
to gobble them up’. (v. 22). Step back and ask yourself who’s really important
in your life, then try to correct the record with them. In time, they’ll
vindicate you with others. In many cases their words will come across as being
more objective than yours.
If the gossip is based on truth or partial truth, don’t deny or excuse yourself. True friends always forgive and defend their friends and gossip generally finds juicier rumors, move on, and leave you alone.
Do these three
things:
1) When necessary, confront the
gossiper. If the
offender is a Christian, stand on this scripture: ‘If a fellow believer sins
against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong.
If he listens to you, you have helped that
person to be your brother or sister again’ (Matthew 18:15). Now your goal in confronting
them isn’t to prove them wrong and you right, it’s to bring reconciliation and
preserve unity in God’s family. Watch your tone. ‘…Don’t sin by letting anger
control you…’ (Ephesians 4:26).
Stick to the
facts. Without putting them on the defensive, seek to find a resolution that
stops the gossip and repairs the damage. If they’re willing to acknowledge
their part, be ready to forgive. If they’re not, forgive them anyway--- for
your own sake and God’s sake. And remember, they may continue to be your
brother or sister without being your trusted friend!
2) Don’t let
gossip diminish our self-worth. If your self-worth depends on what others
say, you’ll always feel down when you’re put down. Let your self-worth rest on
what God’s Word says about you. Regardless of your imperfections, the Bible
says you are ‘…the righteousness of God in [Christ]’ (2 Corinthians 5:21). Focus
on God’s estimation of you and ‘…build [yourself] up in your most holy faith…’
(Jude v.20) in spite of others’ opinions.
3) Don’t judge others by rumour-mill reports. Whether
gossip is truth-based or false, its intent is always to ‘destroy’ (john 10:10).
Don’t do Satan’s work for him!
More Reading: Deuteronomy 5-7, Mark 6:14-29
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